What was it that drew you to Montessori? Was it the well-organized spaces? Or maybe the respectful way children are treated in the home?
Often, the number one reason moms start Montessori is to foster independence for their child. They don’t want their child growing up to be helpless or incapable to do the basic adult tasks necessary to be a well-rounded individual.
They also know that teaching them to be independent is one of the most loving things you can do for them. You’ll be equipping them with life-long skills that will benefit them over and over again.
WHAT’S THE SECRET?
While we have great hopes and expectations for our children to one day become these independent and confident members of their community, right now you might have a constant shadow who wants non-stop entertainment.
So, HOW do they do it? Those experienced Montessori moms with children who eagerly entertain themselves, allowing mom to go about her household tasks. Or, simply rest with her feet up, a cup of coffee, & a good book (or a true crime podcast – anybody else?).
Here’s a few small steps that have a big impact in encouraging independent play. Try a few of these to get started:
INDEPENDENT PLAY TIPS
- Get down. Sit down on the floor and start doing an activity (think Mega Blocks or animal matching). Your child will probably sit next to you; often touching part of your body with their legs or back. Start playing with them. As they begin to interact with the activity on their own, scoot back a bit. Build up distance and time of focused play.
- Be unavailable. If your child is asking you to come play, keep doing whatever it is you’re doing (unload and re-load the dishwasher if you need to), but tell them you will come when you are done. Keep your word and go engage with them after a set amount of time. Some kids do really well with setting a timer. You’ll build up to longer times of being unavailable.
- Make time for connection. You want your child to have the confidence & skills to play on their own, but you still want them to feel like an important part of your home dynamic. Including them in tasks that need to get done or doing an activity TOGETHER will give them the security to entertain themselves other times throughout the day.
MYTHBUSTING BREAK
Let’s take a moment to talk about realistic expectations of what independent play IS. For a toddler, there will not usually be hours of endless solo play. Starting small like with the steps above is important to get your child used to playing on their own. Then, as they grown they will get more comfortable and more capable of greater periods of independence.
Something else to keep in mind is that Montessori does NOT discourage imagination. Not all activities need to be “learning lessons”. In fact, for children under 3 academics are not a main focus for Montessori homes.
As a child becomes more interested in the social workings of the world, incorporating scenes familiar to their everyday lives can be a great way to work through many different things. Think of playing restaurant or library. Or set up a mini school for their dolls.
Where Montessori differs from mainstream (especially media influenced) approaches is that there is not a focus on fantasy or cartoon characters. One of the reasons for that is children under 6 can not distinguish fantasy from reality.
But don’t worry if Paw Patrol action figures are their most loved toys. There’s no need to forbid characters from being part of their play.
TRY THIS
One activity that is perfect for working up to increased independent play is a simple Can You Bring Me?” game.
Call out different items that you would like your child to find. Make it more difficult by naming a type of item rather than a specific item. Go with them the first time to create excitement & connection, then stay in one place as they bring items to you.
This game is one of five kid approved activities included in the Montessori Activities That Encourage Independent Play list.
MOVING FORWARD
Making sure to work WITH your child’s interests will make the process of building those independent play muscles much smoother.
For example, if your child is obsessed with dinosaurs, having a matching game set up with dinosaur figures and printed cards will hold their interest much longer than say a bin of beans & a few cups. (Of course if you pretend that the beans are a tar pit and their dinosaurs are getting stuck, they might be super amped about it.)
Coming up in a few weeks, I’ll be sharing a lesson on how to unlock the secret to independent play & the Montessori method. This will include valuable info about how to know exactly what your child is most interested in. Make sure you’re signed up for my e-mails to get the details first!
-Shannon